


Fire and Petrol

by yikesola



Series: Commissions [7]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009, Early Days, M/M, halloween gathering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 09:44:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21336211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yikesola/pseuds/yikesola
Summary: There’s a Halloween Gathering in London, Phil will be down there tomorrow. It’ll be the first time they’ve seen each other since Dan was up north for three days and Phil’s entire world flipped on its side.A fic about eager unsureness and sharpie.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: Commissions [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1469918
Comments: 30
Kudos: 125





	Fire and Petrol

**Author's Note:**

> This was a commissioned piece for [ahappydnp](http://ahappydnp.tumblr.com/) 💞

The view of Dan on Phil’s laptop screen is so grainy. The Skype connection is so slow. Phil wonders how in the hell this had been good enough before ten days ago. 

It simply isn’t anymore— not now that Phil knows Dan has freckles dotted all along his face if he’s close enough, not now that Phil knows the way Dan will lean into him when he’s laughing at a joke, not now that Phil knows he smells like warm. This shoddy imitation isn’t good enough at all.

It’s the best they have, with their hometowns so far apart. At least it won’t be for very long; there’s a Halloween Gathering in London, Phil will be down there tomorrow and he and Dan will stay the night at a friend’s house. It’ll be the first time they’ve seen each other since Dan was up north for three days and Phil’s entire world flipped on its side. 

He’d known that he liked Dan before their three days together, of course. And he’d suspected that Dan liked him as well. But he had still been so overcome with nerves that he spent most of their first day clawing and biting at Dan as a way to siphon off that energy. When Dan took the leap to kiss Phil it was… he was— life had felt like a dream ever since. Not quite a dream, because he knows he’s not dreaming. He feels wide awake. And despite the username, Dan sometimes makes him feel like he’s on fire. But it’s all too good, better than he ever gets, something he should be on the lookout for implosion any second. 

Then Dan laughs at the mouse ears headband in Phil’s hand, and he’s shaken from his catastrophizing. It’s hard to believe the worst case scenario his anxiety wants to conjure up when Dan’s eyes crinkle like that. 

“You’d have to commit if you’re gonna be a mouse. Let’s hear the sounds, Lester,” he says. 

Phil folds his hands like little mouse paws and brings them close to his face. “_Squeak squeak squeak squeak_,” he says. 

Dan laughs again. “You sound like Kronk speaking squirrel.” 

“Nuh-uh, that’s like,” he clears his throat and tries his deepest voice, “Squeak squeaker squeak squeakity.” 

Dan leans closer towards his laptop. “Say something else in that voice,” he lifts his brow. 

“What should I say?” Phil tries, still low. Dan bites his lip. Phil clears his throat again and keeps talking deep. “Show me your Halloween costume, Danny.” 

“Okay, I take it back,” Dan waves his hands towards the screen. “Normal voice please, I need to stay focused.” He leaves the frame to grab a Fabricland bag heaping with soft-looking brown material. 

Phil tosses aside the mouse ears while Dan gets sorted. “What about these?” he asks, plonking a cat ears headband on his head. 

Dan looks up. His smile has a soft tilt when he says, “Perfect, if you whisker up.” 

“Purr-fect,” Phil grins. 

“Why do you have so many ear headbands, you furry?” 

“You answered your own question,” Phil says with a wink. An attempt at a wink. He can see in his own tiny square on the Skype call that it wasn’t exactly smooth. 

“Well, anyway,” Dan says holding up the fabric, “I don’t exactly have room to talk. I’m gonna be a bear.” 

*

Phil on the train ride south can’t help but think about Dan making his own journey in reverse. He’s so grateful for the bravery that must’ve taken, he’s not entirely sure he could’ve been so brave himself. It’s different what he’s doing, going to London for a YouTube gathering where there will be loads of other people and an explicitly non-romantic reason for him to be there. 

Dan came up north for nothing but Phil. 

The cell service is spotty as they chug along the landscape. He texts Dan anyways. “_Can’t wait to see you <3_” 

“_i wish you were coming to stay longer_” Dan sends back. “_i wish you could just stay with me until i head back up to manchester on friday ^_^_” 

Dan’s wish ignores the fact that Phil has things to do in the week before Dan is back up north. Phil needs to prepare for more episodes of ApartmentRed, he needs to think about what kind of job he wants to get because his parents told him he needed one by November and well… it’s October 31st. And he needs to clean the house as best he can before his parents return from America, because he certainly hadn’t bothered while they were away except for the tidy he did before Dan arrived. 

And still, it’s nice that Dan even says it. The idea of staying with Dan in Wokingham is equal parts terrifying and exciting. Of meeting his family, of sitting in that little brown bedroom he’s seen so much of through Skype. He wants to… and he’s afraid of what it means that he wants to so badly. Especially if Dan’s just saying it to be nice or as a joke. Which he might. It’s hard to know over text. 

“_I haven't even started this visit yet, you can’t miss me til it’s over, Howell :3_” 

“_i miss you always. all the time._” 

Phil can feel his cheeks start to ache as he’s grinning so wide staring at his phone. He looks up but thankfully despite what his socially awkward worries tell him, no one is paying attention to him. 

“_wow i really am your stalker huh XD_” Dan sends while Phil is still smiling from the other text. 

“_My best one, leastways >:]_” Phil assures him. 

*

London is very different from Manchester. Phil thinks that every time he comes here. Manchester just feels like his city, a place of grown up freedom but all the familiarity of home. London is just too big and too crowded and too dirty; some places smell too much of piss and some places smell too much of petrol and he thinks the only nice part about it is the parks. And the fact that today it has both he and Dan in it— that’s definitely in London’s favour, Phil thinks. 

He hates that this visit is so completely surrounded by other people. When he sees Dan his vision tunnels on him and he wants nothing more than to get his arms around him and kiss him like he’s been unable to do for ten long days. But he doesn’t, because he can’t. 

Still, he’s near enough to see those freckles. And Dan leans into him laughing when they start cracking jokes. And in those half instances where he leans, Phil can tell Dan smells like warm. So it’s good enough— for now, it’s good enough and he’s so very happy to be down in London despite the London of it all. 

*

They’re first alone, even if it’s quick, that evening when everyone’s changing into their costumes. Dan slips into the bathroom Phil had claimed and shows off the cat face pen he’d brought, but Phil can’t hold back any longer. He’s grabbing at Dan’s shoulders and kissing him harder than he should be to start out with. He doesn’t realize he’d been pushing Dan back until they thump against the closed bathroom door. 

“Sorry,” Phil says amongst a fit of giggles. “I just been waiting ages to do that.” 

Dan brings his hand to the back of Phil’s head and pulls him back for another kiss. “Me too,” Phil hears between the smacks of their lips.

They can’t get carried away, they don’t have the privacy or the time. They pull apart quicker than either of them would like. Phil grabs the sharpie from Dan’s hand and opens it to catch a familiar whiff of chemical. 

“Don’t fuck up,” Dan smiles, “Bears don’t have whiskers.” 

Phil is tempted to give him whiskers out of spite. Instead he gives Dan the same black nose he did in his childhood bedroom, and swaps three lines per cheek for three dots in a triangular-therefore shape. He bends forward for a quick peck on Dan’s right cheek before he covers that one in sharpie. Then he hands the pen to Dan and feels that familiar tickle of the felt on his skin. Dan’s brow creased in concentration as he works is so goddamn adorable. 

The costumes are so low effort it’s almost pathetic, but it’s also kind of funny. Phil likes the sight of them in the mirror before they slip out to rejoin everyone else. 

*

The gathering is fine. It’s fun. It’s not unlike other events Phil has gone to like this. The difference this time is that usually social situations have him itching to be alone. Right now he wants to be alone with Dan. He doesn’t actually care about any of these other YouTubers. 

Also, no one seems to be eating; there’s just loads of booze and Phil can’t run on hollow alcoholic calories alone. 

He nudges Dan in the ribs. “You hungry?” 

Dan laughs and points to his chest. “Hi, have we met? I’m Dan Howell, always hungry.” 

They slip out to grab food in the city and no one seems to even notice them leaving. That’s fine by Phil. 

He’s not exactly nervous at someone seeing them slip out together, he just doesn’t like the conclusions they might jump to. Things like wondering if he and Dan are together when that’s not something he’s 100% sure about at this time himself. So it’s just better if no one sees, if this is something just for him and Dan and no one else. He’s never felt so territorial before, but he really really wants to protect this thing between them. 

They find a lovely, lonely fountain to sit by while they eat. It’s settling nicely in his stomach, the food, soaking up the rum he’d glugged and making him feel nice and content. Dan beside him certainly helps that nice and content feeling. In fact, maybe the food has little and less to do with it. 

He’s surprised by how many stars they can see here in the city. He’d have thought the bright lights would block them out. 

Neither of them know enough about astrology to show off actual knowledge about the stars above them, so instead they make up constellations and point them out to each other. Until that too becomes unimportant and Phil leans over to bite at Dan’s fuzzy fabric-covered shoulder. He moves and rubs his sharpie-covered nose against Dan’s neck and it smears just a little bit. He moves again and kisses Dan quickly, as much as he’s brave enough to do in such a public space even if they’re the only ones around right now. 

*

Everyone is far more drunk than either Dan or Phil are by the time they make their way back to the Halloween Gathering. That’s what comes of no one else eating and continuing to drink all the while. 

It means that an hour or so later when they all stumble to the couches and spare rooms they’re crashing on, everyone passes out almost as soon as their heads hit the pillow. But Dan and Phil, practically professional night owls and still mostly sober, are wide awake. They take advantage of the empty living room to kiss with a little more bravery than they had outside at the fountain. 

Dan’s kisses are hungry, eager, somehow possessive, and Phil fucking loves that he clearly wants this just as badly. It’s the demonstration he needs, the reality that this isn’t one-sided.

He groans, but keeps it quiet as he can, when Dan’s mouth moves to his neck. He isn’t half so sensitive there as Dan is but fuck does it still feel amazing to have Dan kissing and nipping and licking and sucking— all of it, any of it, it’s amazing. 

“Harder,” he mutters. “More. Want you to mark me.” 

He’s nervous about how Dan will take that, nervous even in the haze of need. They haven’t said outright what they are to each other, even if they knew right away after meeting that the crackling sparks of chemistry were unlike anything either of them had ever felt before. There are just too many factors that make them hesitate… the age, the distance, the reality of what falling for each other would mean considering they’re both still closeted to their families. But that doesn’t change the fact that Phil wants this, that he wants all of Dan and most especially in this moment he wants Dan’s mouth at his neck. 

He tilts his head back a bit further. “Please,” he says when Dan hesitates. 

He feels Dan’s teeth nip at his skin. It’s wonderful. Dan lets out a possessive sort of grunt and bites again. “Can I?” he asks. “I want to.” 

“I asked you to,” Phil laughs. Dan laughs too. The laughter turns to breathy sighs from both of them as Phil threads his fingers into Dan’s straightened hair and Dan licks a fat stripe across Phil’s Adam’s apple. 

That on fire feeling spreads over him again. Like he’s been doused in all the petrol in London. Dan overwhelms his every sense. 

*

By the sight of their friends the next morning, Dan and Phil are the only ones to avoid a hangover. Everyone moves slowly, everyone’s hunched over a little bit. No one’s laughing as freely as they did the night before. 

Not that Dan and Phil don’t wake up a little bit grumpy and sore, because it was a long late night and the couch is a bit lumpy. Dan’s sleepy grumpy face is so cute. It’s pouty and scrunchy. Phil is reminded of that face, angry at the morning sunlight streaming through his bedroom window after their first night spent in the same place, and how Phil rolled over to kiss his grumpiness away. He can’t do that right now, but he glances at Dan’s lips and thinks about it and there’s a bit of a blush on Dan’s face when he notices like he knows just what Phil was doing. 

Sometimes it feels like Dan can read his thoughts. Sometimes it feels like Phil can read Dan’s. That has to mean something right? Something big and important and wonderful. 

He thinks it does. He wants to find out for sure. 

Phil goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth and get ready for the train ride home. Three and a half hours both ways, two days in a row. Tiring, and entirely worth it. 

He can’t help but smile at the smeared sharpie on his face that Dan put there and which he doesn’t have the energy to wash off. He’ll do it later. He’ll keep it for just a little while longer. 

He also smiles at the dark purple bruise that Dan sucked onto the side of his neck. He traces a finger over it before zipping his hoodie high enough to hide it from view. He hopes it lasts a few days at least, before it fades away. He wants something of Dan to carry back home up north with him. Friday seems ages away.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading— come say hi on [tumblr](http://yikesola.tumblr.com/post/188862734089/fire-and-petrol) !


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